Who’s Your Big Ten School’s Shemy Shembechler?

We covered this from a serious angle earlier this week, but all kinds of thoughts were ignited by Michigan hiring Shemy Shembechler to their coaching staff and then firing him when people found out he was the kind of Race Fan that’s not going to Monaco, Indianapolis OR Charlotte this weekend.

Michigan fans should feel some relief that they backed down to the pressure, but should also feel insulted by the way this played out initially. As the Robert Anderson affair came to light, it was thought that Michigan would have to have a reckoning with the legacy of Bo Schembechler. Instead, they merely turned the Shembechler dial down to a level that the public found acceptable (a threshold that was raised substantially by Michigan’s 2021 Big Ten championship). This is problematic enough, but by and large those representing Michigan football were careful enough not to directly invoke Bo or cast the program’s on-field triumph as redemption for the hero that was the former Wolverines coach.

Hiring Shemy Shembechler was a brazen attempt to turn the Schembechler levels back up to see if the minimum acceptable threshold had been raised in the past two years, and Michigan would probably have had success in this endeavor if not for Shemy’s bigoted social media history. If you’re trying to set the tone for how Bo’s legacy will be discussed in 2023, there’s no clearer message you can send than hiring a guy named Shemy Shembechler.

Which got us thinking.

What would this look like if it had happened at a different Big Ten school? Not comparing historical events, but the headline “Michigan hires Shemy Shembechler?

Well, we decided to go through this exercise!

Rutgers: Schianni Schiano added to coaching staff

Purdue: Boilers name Molly Mollenkopf defensive analyst

Maryland: Freddy Friedgen joins Terps as offensive line coach

Northwestern: New recruiting coordinator Barney Barnett addresses media following practice

Ohio State: Hay Hayes signs on to Buckeye football analyst role

Penn State: Paterny Paterno named Director of Football Operations

Nebraska: Ozzy Osbourne to direct Nebraska athletic bands starting this fall

Wisconsin: Alvy Alvarez takes over as strength and conditioning coordinator

Illinois: Biely Bielema appointed new Fighting Illini team nutritionist

Minnesota: Gophers hire Macy Mason to special teams quality control position

Michigan State: Daughy Daugherty promoted to head weather machine operator

Indiana: Cam Cameron named new Hoosiers head football coach

Iowa: Hawkeyes hire Brian Ferentz as offensive coordinator