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Bud Light Sales Take Another Big Hit Following College Football Realignment

Your bi-daily update on macro lager sales figures

Central Michigan v Penn State Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images

College football conference realignment season is coming to a close for 2023, which means it’s almost time for college football football season!

While this is welcome news for many, a large American adjunct lager brand received some unwelcome news today.

Off Tackle Empire contributor Thumpasaurus announced today that he had no plans to involve Bud Light in any of his Illinois Fighting Illini tailgates or game watching situations.

“Look, I still have a whole 30-rack and change of Labatt’s Blue Light left over from the Purdue game last year, and that was just because I needed something cheap with which to make boilermakers. Obviously, we didn’t take enough of them down before the game, and while my superstition would compel me to get a different beer if I were to repeat the stunt in West Lafayette this year, my instinct would be to go to something like Founders Solid Gold instead of any light beer,” said Thumpasaurus in a statement just now. “I just don’t drink macro light beers!”

Based on how much alcohol he is known to consume throughout a football season, the snub by Thumpasaurus is likely a devastating blow to Bud Light. The same can be said for Miller Lite, Coors Light, Busch Light, Milwaukee’s Best Light, Michelob Ultra, Natural Light and many other brands, but none are as newsworthy as Bud Light.

Content aggregators, behold yet another piece of Bud Light sales content to feed your gaping maw! I hope this satisfies the voracious appetite of whoever is consuming this relentless stream of articles about Bud Light!

In an equally crushing blow to those wishing to applaud Thumpasaurus for his anti-woke malt beverage choices, he clarified that “all are welcome” at his tailgate, pregame and organized watch events, “except outspoken fascists.”