Cupcakes Are Wonderful Things!

Game Time: 3:30 p.m. EDT [Real Time]

Where: Not at Towson [They’re the cupcake, after all]

How to Watch: BTN [Really, but somehow Maryland at OSU will be streamed on the Peacock]

During the Covid lockdown my daughters were getting cabin fever, yet there was nowhere to go. So, they started doing a lot of baking. Their best effort was a salted caramel cupcake. From scratch. Apparently, they were a total time-consuming pain-in-the-ass to make, so they never repeated this triumph. Nevertheless, it was the best cupcake I ever had. Here you go: Don’t drool on your keyboard. The cupcake pictured above is not the actual culinary masterpiece that my daughters concocted, but you get the idea.

Why are cupcakes good? I mean besides being totally delicious? They are the vitamin and nutrient equivalent of a standard serving [1 cup, 90 g] of broccoli, which contains 2.2 g of fiber, 91% pf the daily value of vitamin C, 77% of the DV of vitamin K, 15% of the DV of folate, plus potassium, magnesium, iron, and calcium.

Furthermore, you also get the protein equivalent of boneless skinless chicken breast: only 284 calories with 53.4 grams of protein, NO carbs, and only 6.2 g of fat.

If it’s one thing I’ve learned from politics and media over the last decade is that people will believe what they want. And if you read it on the internet, it must be true. To paraphrase Hobbes, from Calvin & Hobbes, you can show people the truth, but you can’t make them see it.

So, use your God-given cognitive dissonance abilities, and savor every bite of that delicious sugar-bomb, yet knowing, in your heart, that it is somehow the nutritional equivalent of raw broccoli and skinned, boneless chicken breast combined! C’mon, alternative facts are your friend.

Know what other kinds of cupcakes are good? FCS teams playing P5 teams. But, why? Because it’s the best of both worlds. Just like the other kind of cupcake that is both nutritious and delicious, these cupcakes are pre-season games that let you work out kinks in a live game situation and lets you develop depth but, also, these games count toward that critical six-win total that qualifies your team to play in a bowl game. [For Maryland, that is still an important consideration.]

But, why Towson?

Towson is Mike Locksley’s alma mater.

Need another connection? Remember this guy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeZGx8VpNfs&t=10s

That’s right. Piggy T!!! Tyrelle Pigrome led Maryland to their first of two consecutive upsets against Texas. Piggy T played from Maryland from 2016-2019. Once Locks brought in Taulia Tagovailoa after the 2019 season, Piggy T saw the writing on the wall and bounced. He landed at Western Kentucky in 2020. Then transferred as a walk-on to Ole Miss, and finally, ending a 7-year college football career, he ended up at, you guessed it, Towson. Last year he led the Towson Tigers to a 6-5 record, completing 57% of his passes while throwing 14 TDs to 6 INTs and rushing for 576 yards on a 4.3 ypc average. He is currently playing for the Ottawa Redblacks in the CFL.

By the way, after this triumphant upset over Texas? Piggy T and Maryland went on to crush Towson 63-17 the following week.

Transfers Zack Jackson and Malik Jackson [not related] used to play for the Terps but are now suiting up for the Tigers.

Need more intrigue? Tyrese Chambers caught 51 passes for over 1,100 yards last year for FIU. He transferred to Maryland. He was not offered by Towson out of high school and ended up going the JUCO route, successfully climbing the college football corporate ladder from JUCO to FCS Sacred Heart, to FIU to Maryland. According to Ben Dickson of Inside Maryland Sports, Tyrese Chambers, who is from Baltimore, has duly noted that a Baltimore FCS program [Towson] did not recruit him out of high school and he is “definitely going to keep that in mind when I’m on the field.” Hmm.

Actual Preview [Sort Of]

According to Bill Connelly’s SP+ ratings, Maryland is a 36-point favorite with a projected score of 41-5, and Maryland has a 98% chance to win. That’s a cupcake.

I will be watching fairly closely just to see what Tyrese Chambers does and how the 2’s and 3’s play.

The one downside of playing FCS cupcakes? The talent disparity is too great to draw any meaningful conclusions as to how good [or bad] Maryland may be this year. Unless Towson wins, or Maryland wins a close one, the final score should in no way be an indicator of Maryland’s fortunes this season. In 2019, Locks’ first year. Maryland crushed Howard only to go 3-11.

In this article I have extolled the virtues of cupcakes of all kinds. But, I’d like to make a public suggestion concerning how we, at OTE, conduct our Weekly Power Polls. Teams such as Maryland do not get ranked until they play an FBS school from a mid-tier conference. To those wondering, next week’s opponent, Charlotte, does not apply but Maryland’s third week opponent, Virginia, does, technically, apply.