My charge this week, from RockyMtnBlue, was this:

MNW takes a break from fatherhood and professorhood and otherstuffhood and says something witty for the masses

Far from no breaks from fatherhood, as I'm sure is stitched on a sampler somewhere in my mother-in-law's house, I'm absolutely taking a break. The kid decided she was hungry but only wanted Ritz crackers, so I left her on the kitchen floor with her water bottle and a half-sleeve of the things.

Is this going to come back to bite me in the ass? Absolutely!

But am I taking a break? You bet your shapely ass.

Here, let's agree that it's time for a nice little 5-minute break for us both. Whatever you’re doing, why not just stop and sink into these smooth tracks. I’m the Love Doctor, and you’re tuned in to 92.7: Kalamazoo’s Easy Listening.

Gotta go: break's over, kid's crying. She must feel as lonely and abandoned without me as widdle Michigan players do without their Harbaugh.

The Picks

(all times CT)

Friday, September 8

Indiana State Sycamores @ Indiana Hoosiers

6:00pm | BTN | No Line

Straight-Up: All Indiana
Against the Spread: Dammit, I said no line!

BoilerUp89: As a former high school coach, Tom Allen is used to winning games on Friday nights. He gets the job done here.

misdreavus79: This week we’ll get to see if the fake triple option was a strategy against Ohio State, or if it really is how Indiana is going to operate this season. Indiana 27, Indiana State 10

Kind of...: Sure, Larry Bird and all that. But did you know that the Sycamores have made the NCAA tournament a full three times since Bird left. That’s once every 15 years. They’re not just a football school! Get ready, though, they’ll be in the thick of it next year, and you all ought to adopt Robbie Avila as your favorite mid-major player:

Buffkomodo: Indiana wins an easy one. Both QB’s play. On to Louisville.

AlmaOtter: The Sycamores won two games last year; one of those teams went ofer and the other only beat a DII team. Indiana just held OSU to under 30. Indiana rolls.

MaximumSam: Winning Time on HBO is ridiculously entertaining, and this season we get young Larry Bird being a huge dick to everyone and playing in jeans. Indiana 21, Indiana State 7

BRT: Who would watch this?

RockyMtnBlue: I wouldn’t. And I looked forward to watching NW/Rutgers last week. Indiana 31-3.

RUReady4Brazil: This is my survivor pick.

MNW: If Tom Allen's really going to convince me he's mad about playing on Friday nights, he can prove it: helicopter out of Memorial Stadium tonight at halftime and say you're going recruiting. Won't matter, anyway: Hoosiers, 31-3.

Illinois Fighting Illini @ Kansas Jayhawks

6:30pm | ESPN2 | Kansas -3 | O/U 51.5

Straight-Up: Illinois 9-6
Against the Spread: Illinois 9-6

BoilerUp89: I’m still a believer in Illinois. Not sure why, but I am. They get the victory here.

HWAHSQB: I’m still a believer in Illinois also, but not in the first road game of the season. That seems to always end poorly, but while a loss here is not ideal, it won’t be a dagger to the heart of the season. Jalon Daniels is back for KU. Illinois is down at least one starter in the secondary and probably two. Jayhawks win and Fox doesn’t come to Champaign for the pregame show next week.

misdreavus79: Kansas gets the home field advantage treatment by Vegas, which means folks don’t have a pulse on who will win this game. Jalon Daniels, and if he doesn’t, Illinois might have an easier time than expected. Illinois 21, Kansas 17

Kind of...: Leipold deserves credit for the reclamation project, but the best win last year was a Duke team that hadn’t gelled yet. Assuming Bert tightens the screws this week and Illinois wins outright.

Thumpasaurus: DeQuan Finn is a poor man’s Jalon Daniels, but the Illini didn’t do a great job of containing him last week. Toledo’s defense might actually be better than the Jayhawks’, but the Illini rushing game will have to improve dramatically by next Saturday. The first road game is always tough and I think the Illini lose this one.

AlmaOtter: I’m bullish on the season as a whole, but would agree with Illini folks above. Bert hasn’t had great luck with these early-season Friday night games (2022 Indiana, 2021 Maryland). Illini keep it close, Jayhawks win.

Dead Read: I really think Kansas finds a way at home. Bert still has some early season stuff to iron out.

Buffkomodo: Kansas wins this going away. Illinois is still going to be okay but as Dead has said, they’ve got stuff to fix and it shows.

MaximumSam: Sparty should have hired Lance Leipold. Kansas 34, Illinois 17

BRT: Much like BoilerUp, I’m giving this to Illinois for no concrete reason. But last week did shake me a little, so if Kansas grabs this one, I won’t be shocked.

RockyMtnBlue: Illinois had some bumps last week, but they still feel like a real program to me, and real programs beat Kansas. Illinois 24-14

MNW: If Kansas can beat Illinois, I want Northwestern to back up the truck for Leipold. And I'm excited Danielle gets another primetime showcase.

But I also...respect?...Bert's preparation ability. Illinois in a squeaker. 34-31.

Saturday, September 9

Delaware Blue Hens @ (7) Penn State Nittany Lions

11:00am | Peacock | No line.

Straight-Up: All Penn State

BoilerUp89: Once again, nobody but Penn State fans and true degenerates will watch the Nittany Lions game.

misdreavus79: Penn State gets “The Cock” for week 2. That’s it. That’s the joke. Penn State 56, Delaware 17

Kind of...: Elena Della Donne is the Larry Bird of Delaware basketball. That and Tubby Raymond are about all I’ve got.

AlmaOtter: Joe Flacco isn’t walking through that door. PSU by as many scores as they want.

Dead Read: There is no way on earth I will watch this. Besides, PSU already owns Delaware.

Buffkomodo: Penn State.

RockyMtnBlue: Dafuc are you doing even scheduling this game, PSU? Nits 63-0

RUReady4Brazil: At least credit Penn State for letting a nearby opponent have a short bus ride home.

MNW: Not even potential residual viewership from EPL fans since it's the international break! I'm sure there are like 5 people in that Venn diagram but I'm one of them, and if we know there are more voices needed on the sports blogosphere it's 30-something white dudes who like European soccer. Penn State, 55-0.

Nebraska Cornhuskers @ (22) Colorado Buffaloes

11:00am | Fox | Colorado -3 | O/U 59.5

Straight-Up: Colorado 13-2
Against the Spread: Colorado 12-3

BoilerUp89: I don’t remember who I picked here now that I’ve come to the site to put in my comments. I don’t think Nebraska is very good. But Colorado is also overrated at 22 and Deion is going to suffer a huge failure at some point. Not sure Nebraska is the team to do that though. flips coin

HWAHSQB: C’mon. By now we all know how this ends. Nebby will have a lead and somehow manage to let it dribble down their leg in the 4th quarter.

misdreavus79: Plenty of folks are not exactly fond of how Deion Sanders is doing business down in Boulder. Plenty of folks are complaining about the plenty of folks who don’t like how Deion Sanders is doing business down in Boulder. What is undeniable, however, that against a like team (at least per my expectation, TCU was going to be bad this season anyway, but not 1-11 bad), Colorado went and took care of business. Problem is Nebraska isn’t a like team. Nebraska 27, Colorado 20

Kind of...: The line seems to be telling us something, and I do expect this to be a game. That said, Colorado has, you know, playmakers. All it takes is one or two mistakes. Nebraska has proven they can make them, and Colorado has proven they can capitalize. Colorado covers

Thumpasaurus: TCU had no business being ranked as highly as they were. I don’t believe Colorado will end the season ranked, but they remain much improved. Nebraska would have put away Minnesota easily if Jeff Sims could have taken care of the ball, but what a big “if” that is. Colorado doesn’t have the defense the Gophers did, but their offense at least looks to have more upside. I just don’t know how Nebraska does enough on offense to keep up.

AlmaOtter: Until proven otherwise, I will continue to assume that Nebraska will keep all of their games incredibly close, but find entertaining and novel ways to lose.

Dead Read: Nebraska could win, but that is generally possible. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and Nebraska has a habit of imploding late in games. An indicator is not a guarantee, mind you, but it sure feels like one to Husker fans.

Buffkomodo: Nebraska could steal a win here, so I won’t say it’s not happening. The buffs could be high on their own supply. However, I think Colorado is much more athletic and explosive than Nebraska so give me Colorado and Deiontown.

MaximumSam: I was going to pick the upset for a while, but realized this is Nebraska, where hard fought losses are still the norm. Colorado 24, Nebraska 21.

BRT: Unfortunately, I think this goes badly for us and is embarrassing in a highly hyped game. I am hoping for some Buff fan rioting/arrests though, like the good old days.

RockyMtnBlue: The smart money is on CU by 3 or 4, right? I mean, nobody commits to the bit like Nebraska. I can’t help it. I’m taking the Huskers. I am doing my part to will this result into existence. Nebraska 26-24

RUReady4Brazil: Buffs proved they can throw the ball and Nebraska didn’t, so have to give the edge to the Buffs.

MNW: When I'm dictator of the world, people who middle 3-point lines will be jailed.

This game feels like a very mood-based pick, to me. Nebraska looked okay but will be mercurial, while Colorado is gonna try to redline the "Can't get no respect"-o-meter until more of Deion's toes pop off. When I took Colorado, I was in an "everything sucks and will for some time" kind of mood, meaning another week of Deion headlines.

Given Nebraska's proclivity for being Nebraska, I would've thought Vegas would've put a hook on the line. This feels ripe for a push, but I'll say Buffs, 35-31.

Purdue Boilermakers @ Virginia Tech Hokies

11:00am | ESPN2 | Purdue -3 | O/U 49

Straight-Up: Purdue 9-6
Against the Spread: Purdue 9-6

BoilerUp89: Purdue rebounds with a victory over the Hokies. That or I start drafting basketball previews.

HWAHSQB: Fresno State is a better team than the Hokies, but first road game for a young team with a new coach is tough. I’ll take the points.

misdreavus79: Brent Pry took over a disaster over at Virginia Tech, and, while they looked competent against Old Dominion, Purdue is a different level of competition. Purdue 28, Virginia Tech 21

Kind of...: Just going with my gut that Purdue rebounds. Not sure VT’s offense can give Purdue the same kin dof trouble, so I’ll take the Boilers.

Thumpasaurus: Virginia Tech was not particularly good last year. This is a tough call, but it would be really funny if Purdue lost so they’ll win.

Dead Read: I think it is tough to win in Blacksburg, so it will be a big boost of confidence if the Boilers pull this off.

Buffkomodo: Get ready to see some basketball pieces from BU89. Here come the turkeys! Gobble gobble!

MaximumSam: Purdue is favored on the road? Tech must have fallen into a bottomless hole. Tech 21, Purdue 20.

BRT: Let’s go, Purdue! In honor of my favorite game of last week, I’m picking redemption for Purdue this week.

RockyMtnBlue: I don’t know a damned thing about Va Tech, but I think Ryan Walters is a good coach so I’ll take him avoiding 0-2. The spread is 3, so what the hell, may as well make it a cover. Purdue 24-20

RUReady4Brazil: Virginia Tech probably sucks another week before they empty the tank next week against Rutgers.

MNW: What do fans of non-conference teams do when Purdue Pete shows up there? Do they engage in the mascot play? Do they recoil in horror? Do they attempt to tie him down, Gulliver’s Travels-style?

For some reason, the interaction between Pete and the Turkey is making me giggle this morning. Boilers, 27-21.

Youngstown State Penguins @ (5) Ohio State Buckeyes

11:00am | BTN | No Line

Straight-Up: All OSU

BoilerUp89: Buckeyes score just a few more points than they did last week. Calls to fire Ryan Day intensify.

misdreavus79: Something tells me 23-3 is going to be the score after the first quarter this time around. Ohio State 59, Youngstown State 13

Kind of...: Remember when Bo Pelini coached the Penguins? That was weird.

AlmaOtter: Guessing that McCord will look much better against much worse opposition, but I’m not sure that says much about the looming Notre Dame game.

Dead Read: This will be a good confidence builder for the Buckeyes, even though that is not what the world needs.

Buffkomodo: Ohio state wins but is not reassured.

MaximumSam: The upcoming Super League will at least get rid of games like this. OSU 45, YSU 12.

BRT: OSU wins, OSU fans gripe and moan like they have real problems, ignoring their only real one, which is that they live in Ohio.

RockyMtnBlue: How am I supposed to follow BRT on this one? Just read her comment again. Ohio State many many many, Youngstown St very few (lets say 59-3)

RUReady4Brazil: Again, bonus for being a local opponent.

MNW: Why? OSU, 63-0.

Iowa Hawkeyes @ Iowa State Cyclones

2:30pm | Fox | Iowa -4 | O/U 36.5

Straight-Up: Iowa 12-3
Against the Spread: Iowa State 8-7

BoilerUp89: Well I wanted to bet it all on team meteor. Vegas gives me pretty good odds and I think it is more likely than Iowa or Iowa State scoring points. But the rules committee says I have to pick an actual team to win. While I still think the meteor is more likely, there is a slim possibility that Iowa’s defense scores a safety in the 29th overtime to break the deadlock and get the win. So that’s the official pick. The unofficial pick is still the meteor landing before either team scores.

HWAHSQB: You know I’m rooting for the Clones, but I think iowa pulls this one out. Congrats Iowegians on getting a lower O/U than the Nern-UTEP game. Honestly, I’m impressed.

misdreavus79: Iowa has an offense that can score 24 all on its own now. Iowa State is [redacted]. Iowa 20, Iowa State 10

Kind of...: Not sure this can top last year’s 10-7 shootout. Matt Campbell missed his chance, and Kirk basically owns him, last year notwithstanding. Iowa to cover.

Thumpasaurus: Iowa State is going to be terrible this year. QB Upper Dekkers is among the many suspended players. I think Iowa absolutely blows their doors off by some preposterous score like 13-0.

Dead Read: This game could set global civilization back decades.

Buffkomodo: There are more athletes in the state of Iowa under investigation for gambling violations than there will be point scores in this game. And I don’t care who wins.

MaximumSam: Shoot this one right into my veins. Fentanyl has nothing on this. Iowa 12, ISU 8.

BRT: Look. This is hard to admit. Very, very hard. We all know I hate Iowa, as much as the next person. But the guest list for this game makes me want to hurl, so eff ISU. For the one and only time in my life, I am pulling for Iowa. And yes, that suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. I still hope they look bad doing it.

RockyMtnBlue: Here we are. Game of the week! My team plays in this timeslot and I’ll be watching this game. Will we get first-two-possessions Iowa or all-the-other-possessions Iowa? I feel like predicting a stupid score for a stupid game, but also a Ferentz failure is the only smart play here. Iowa 23-18

RUReady4Brazil: The worst part of adding a second child under two this week was my inability to get myself hyped and educated for this classic.

MNW: This dumb game has jumped the shark. Congrats on all the sicko mugs you sell, I don’t think you really get it. Hawkeyes, 18-13.

Richmond Spiders @ Michigan State Spartans

2:30pm | BTN | No Line

Straight-Up: All Michigan State

BoilerUp89: The itsy, bitsy spider gets crushed by the Greek warriors.

misdreavus79: Another FCS team gets crushed by a Big Ten team. News at 11. Michigan State 49, Richmond 10

Kind of...: This would be a March Madness matchup that Sparty wouldn’t want to see. Instead, it’s a football matchup that nobody wants to watch.

Buffkomodo: I hope this game is as fun at half as last weeks game was. Let me hear those Spartan “boos”

RUReady4Brazil: Unlike the other “local” molly-whoopings, why?

RockyMtnBlue: I’m pretty sure Richmond is a community college. MSU 45-3

UNLV Rebels @ (2) Michigan Wolverines

2:30pm | CBS | Michigan -36.5 | O/U 57.5

Straight-Up: All Michigan
Against the Spread: UNLV 11-4

BoilerUp89: something, something, Rebel tears

misdreavus79: Like last week, Michigan will have zero trouble with UNLV. Like last week, covering that massive a spread is a challenge. Michigan 44, UNLV 10

Kind of...: Barry Odom is at UNLV now, and I think they’ll be a little feisty. “Feisty” meaning “losing by less than 35,” not “possesses any chance to win the game.”

Thumpasaurus: Apparently Michigan doesn’t default to running the ball anymore, so we’ll see if Jay Jay The Jet Plane can fight through the missing-Jim-Harbaugh tears and connect on most of his 50 attempts.

Buffkomodo: I split this for the same reasons I split last weeks. They just miss Jimmy boy so much.

RockyMtnBlue: Michigan fell a full 9pts short of the spread last week. The O-line is probably good, but they’re definitely still figuring shit out. Take the points. Michigan 38-10

RUReady4Brazil: Would have at least been interesting if Michigan rolled the dice by playing in Sin City.

MNW: LOTS of adversity for Michigan to overcome this week. LOTS. Just ask them. Wolverines, 42-7.

Texas-El Paso Miners @ Northwestern Wildcats

2:30pm | BTN | UTEP -1.5 | O/U 38.5

Straight-Up: UTEP 9-6
Against the Spread: UTEP 9-6

BoilerUp89: Northwestern should have fired the whole staff. The record wouldn’t have been any worse.

misdreavus79: Yes, they looked abysmal against Rutgers. Yes, they’re infinitely better than UTEP. Northwestern 17, UTEP 10

Kind of...: America is demanding an answer to the question: “Does Northwestern deserve to be favored on a neutral field vs Jacksonville State [who beat UTEP in Week 0].” I say yes. Northwestern by a TD.

Thumpasaurus:

Dead Read: I am going with a UTEP win. Sure, they are terrible. I think the ‘Cats might be worse.

Buffkomodo: UTEP wins and MNW’s liver loses big.

AlmaOtter: Perhaps I’m a degenerate gambler, but I have real American currency on Northwestern in this one. UTEP is awful. Cats get their first stateside win since 2021.

BRT: Super sad times for Northwestern. On the one hand, picking them to lose feels like a big overreaction. On the other hand, I saw a fair bit of that NW - RU game, and good god, they were so, so bad. :(

RockyMtnBlue: UTEP? Seriously, NW? UTEP??? I can understand losing to a program like this. You’re the football team that’s been completely owned by Duke. You once went 0-3 in the noncon and went to the CCG. But surely you shouldn’t be underdogs to them! Northwestern 21-17

RUReady4Brazil: Ben Bryant will have a bounce back game and the Cats can’t have luck as bad as they did against Rutgers. With time he will complete some passes, if I was UTEP I would hope Sullivan gets more snaps.

MNW: I am picking this game against all objective fact, reason, and belief, mostly on the belief UTEP looked bad against Jacksonville State and Gavin Hardison is no Gavin Wimsatt.

These are the sentences that I’m saying to cope with what Northwestern has become.

Both teams keep it on the ground and there are about 7 drives total in this game. ‘Cats, 15-14.

Charlotte 49ers @ Maryland Terrapins

6:30pm | NBC | Maryland -24.5 | O/U 51.5

Straight-Up: Maryland 14-1
Against the Spread: Maryland 14-2

BoilerUp89: Schildkröten für den Sieg.

HWAHSQB: September Maryland is clearly the best team in the conference and they prove it once again. (Note: offer of best team in B1G for Maryland expires on Sept 30)

misdreavus79: Offer expiring on September 30 puts Maryland at 5-0 before things get real. Maryland 35, Charlotte 7

Kind of...: No original material. They fellas above me have it pegged. Maryland big.

Buffkomodo: Maryland.

RockyMtnBlue: You gotta be some kind of moran to bet against Maryland ATS in September. Maryland 38-10

RUReady4Brazil: Annoyed this isn’t in Charlotte so I could be inundated with Turtle turds this weekend.

MNW: BIFF POGGI TIME.

Like...the more I read about this dude, while he seems like he loves the antics for antics’ sake, he’s done some good shit for high school kids in tough neighborhoods.

On the field this week, though, Shadrick Byrd is a legit runner who should cause a couple problems for the Terps. I can see the 49ers trying to take the air out of the ball, chew clock, and drag this into the mud. I took Maryland to cover 24.5, but I like that pick less and less. Terps, 35-7, but I’m not happy about it.

Eastern Michigan Eagles @ Minnesota Golden Gophers

6:30pm | BTN | Minnesota -20.5 | O/U 48.5

Straight-Up: Minnesota 14-1
Against the Spread: Minnesota 9-6

BoilerUp89: The fighting Emus struggled to beat Howard despite Howard struggling with the whole special teams thing in Week 1 (Howard’s special teams gave up 14 points on a safety, kick return after the safety, and normal kickoff return). The Emus aren’t very good. Minnesota wins and I continue to survive in the Survivor competition.

misdreavus79: I doubt Eastern Michigan has the defense Nebraska does, and Minnesota can apparently pass now, so there you have it. Minnesota 33, Eastern Michigan 7

Kind of...: My first thought was that EMU should be able to hang. My second thought is that I’m taking EMU on reputation and Minnesota had a couple of extra days to adjust. Says here Minnesota is getting division favorite talk from some quarters next week after a lopsided win.

Thumpasaurus: ...........lol

Buffkomodo: Kind of pretty much took the joke I was going to make. So Minny and cover.

RockyMtnBlue: Just checking, these are the same Eagles that got absolutely worked by Sparty in the second half last week, right? No? That was different directional Michigan? Whatever. Same thing. Minnesota 38-3

RUReady4Brazil: This has Peej Bowling Green vibes all over it, especially after a false sense of security a week ago. But that was still a longshot. Gophers in the 20s, emus in the single digits.

MNW: Future Northwestern Coach Chris Creighton has never beaten PJ Fleck, and it’s not going to start now, but I don’t know that either Fleck or Creighton have any interest in this game having too many possessions. A steady diet of Minnesota establishing the run and EMU trying to get Samson Evans going keeps this one low. Gophers, 24-7.

Temple Owls @ Rutgers Scarlet Knights

6:30pm | BTN | Rutgers - 9.5 | O/U 47

Straight-Up: Rutgers 12-3
Against the Spread: Rutgers 9-6

BoilerUp89: Temple

misdreavus79: Temple

Kind of: Rutgers by at least two TDs. Rutgers is like poor man’s Maryland in terms of September.

Buffkomodo: We spend a lot of time hating on Rutgers, and for good reason. But I’m not as in on bad ‘Gers this year as they are. Rutgers gets 33.333333333333333% of the way to a bowl.

BRT: I’m going to be big sad because Rutgers is 2-0, and my team is 0-2. :(

RockyMtnBlue: If Gavin Wimsat can be even decent throwing the ball, Rutgers is a decent almost-middle-of-the-road Division I football team. He can’t. But Rutgers is still good enough to double up Temple. Rutgers 20-10

RUReady4Brazil: This game was a dogfight last year in Philly, but the Owls defensive line is not deep. If it gets dicey, Rutgers will just run that QB power. Let’s hope it doesn’t.

MNW: Have I mentioned I don’t respect Rutgers? The Owls eked past Akron, and that’s basically Rutgers-level. E.J. Warner has a day throwing the ball, and we realize Northwestern really is that bad. HOOT HOOT, BITCHES: 22-21.

(19) Wisconsin Badgers @ Washington State Cougars

6:30pm | ABC | Wisconsin -4.5 | O/U 58.5

Straight-Up: Wisconsin 9-6
Against the Spread: Washington State 8-7

BoilerUp89: I’ve lost interest in picking games for the week. Let’s say the strongest conference in the country remains undefeated for another week.

HWAHSQB: Am I the only one who is surprised that wisconsin is favored in this one? Take the points as they’re a gift.

misdreavus79: Taking a Pac-12 offense to a Pac-12 stadium might just be the trick here. Wisconsin 28, Washington State 20

Kind of...: It was 6.5 earlier in the week. Sure looks like there’s a lot of money coming in on Wazzu. This is tough. UW has the revenge factor; Wazzu has the “these guys’ conference blew up our conference” factor. It’s at the Paloose, but you’d expect UW to show some improvement. Seems like a perfect time to cop out. UW wins but doesn’t cover.

Buffkomodo: Am I in crazy town or doesn’t Wazzu kinda suck? Give me the badgers to show sparty how it is you go out west and win.

BRT: I’m really off my game with the Badgers right now - I pick them to win, but I’d love for them to lose so I have some material to work with. I don’t think it happens.

RockyMtnBlue: Wisconsin had moments last week where they looked really good. And moments where they really didn’t. It was week 1. If you have a mix like that I think the really good moments are more telling. Wisconsin 31-14

RUReady4Brazil: Badgers roll as much as I always love Washington State as a spoiler.

MNW: I’m rolling with a Jake Dickert narrative where he’s someday going to return to wisconsin to be their head coach. Which sucks, because I think I like him. After all, he’s a Spud Bowl veteran. Cougs, 25-21.

Please let us know your picks, predictions, and thoughts in the comments.